Scoonie attended the Sydney RIU Resources Round-Up conference this week. There was almost 100 mining related companies represented. For the benefit of interested Stawman members I am pleased to pass on some key insights and useful mining stock related tips.  

By way of background, the advertising material sent out by the organisers Vertical Events stated: 

“With over 800 of 2023’s delegates coming from the investor or broker fund categories, this conference delivers on investor engagement opportunities. RIU Sydney Resources Round-up, Sydney’s leading corporate mining investment forum has built its reputation over the past 19 years by not only meeting but exceeding the expectations of its attendees at what is now considered one of the leading mining investment conferences in Australia.”

As I approached the venue I realised with some apprehension that I may be refused admittance, since I did not possess a Seniors Card. I was obviously under-age and not accompanied by a responsible octogenarian. Under age entry to such a venue is clearly illegal, and I knew under NSW legislation was punishable with heavy fines.  

Fortunately I had brought a thick scarf and pulled this up over my facial features to disguise my absence of any wrinkles. I partially hid behind the stooped back of an another attendee, avoided the gaze of the security guard and was able to slip in undetected.

The moment I entered the auditorium the stench of Old Spice was overpowering. Fortunately, I had brought a N95 rated face mask which helped to moderate the musty smell. I looked around at the hunched and dribbling assembled, and expected at any moment a cheery piano in the corner to start hammering out Bing Crosby numbers and the community singing to begin. Instead there was only the steady drone of dreary reminiscing.     I spied on the wall a defibrillator. The event organisers having wisely installed one just in case any Neuren shareholders might be attending the conference.

I made my way to the presentation area and was soon seated, however the intense light reflected from the bald craniums in front of me was blinding. I felt like the geometric focal point of some kind of an experimental solar array, where hundreds of solar panels reflect the sun’s power to one location to melt a block of salt or steel - or me. Fortunately I had brought my sun glasses and so was able to protect my retinas from any permanent damage. There were a number of attendees, evidently aware of the danger of ricocheting photons of light who had thoughtfully placed a little circular piece of black cloth on top of their heads.

Parts of the speaker’s screen was obscured by the bushy eyebrows and nasal hair belonging to a number of the gentlemen to the front and to the side of me. Never-the-less, I craned my neck and did my best to glimpse the colourful pictures flashing up on the screen. Surely these florid red and pink images were just some kind of geological joke, cartoons for amusement of all, a dolomite Disney if you like. But no one laughed, not even a chuckle. These bright Micky Mouse-like drawings were taken seriously by all. It was as if they had been chiselled by Moses himself.

Speaker after speaker droned on about their riches-laden acres of desert: “open at depth”, “over 2 km of strike” and “geological anomalies” were repeated phrases that would send a hyper-active toddler on red cordial to sleep.  However I did learn there appeared to be no part of Australia that was not “highly prospective for copper and gold”.  Last year lithium was everywhere, but now is quite rare. Must be tectonic plate movements have now hidden it.

In time the sound of old men snoring was as deafening as cicadas on an Australian summer. Fortunately, I had brought ear muffs and so for the moment I was safe from industrial deafness. 

Soon it was time for lunch and septuagenarians who previously could barely stand moved so fast they could have qualified for the Paris Olympics. At the servery sharp old elbows attempted to push me aside, fortunately I had a thick jacket to protect me and I remained unbruised.  

A whiskered gentleman was at a table eating and loudly proclaiming how much money he had made from gold stocks, thus demonstrating there was more than just geological anomalies at the conference. His immaculately coiffed spouse, looking like she had just stepped from the set of Mrs Doubtfire, smiled on amiably. Deception was everywhere. Scoonie paused and pondered. If he could get hold of a lie detector, maybe this would give him an investing edge. He quickly realised the folly of this idea. The machine of course would be quickly overwhelmed with positive results and break down.  

A cloudy-eyed old zombie staggered towards me, fortunately I was wearing a lime coloured high-vis vest and a collision with the walking dead was narrowly avoided. Wobbly wheeled walking frames squeaked across the floor, my toes being at risked of being crushed. I was fearful a wheezy cough could see a set of false teeth flying across the room, landing on my feet and cutting my toes to ribbons.  However fortunately I had on my steel capped boots and my digits were safe.  

Dangerous places mining conferences. More so than just the obvious danger to your wallet.

If you are thinking of attending, a hard hat will also be needed to protect you from the mining promoter’s carefully crafted tower of dreams from falling down around your ears.